Girl Talk: Quick Updates

Crabby: i had 2 pieces of watermelon and hated it so much i felt full :P

Happy: haha! but summer is coming no.. so fruits will do off good

Crabby: haaan, stupid inventions fruits are. And men also. X’s gone mad man. I understand he’s male. But what makes him come back like a faithful dog when I say hi?

Happy: ah! His girlfriend's effect on him eh?

Crabby: unnnnnnnnecessarily trying to guilt me out :P

Happy: LOL! I dont think he's capable of planning to take someone ona guilt trip man
he's just shamelessly being himself

Crabby: hehehe… yeah man, makes it worse, bloody loser. Cant he be more of a man? If men were men, we could be women :P

(Omitting some very specific examples it would take too long for me to edit and censor for public viewing)

Crabby: abrr!! So, last night i had dream!! u know percentages no, he loves, she loves

Happy: in the jerky train eh?

Crabby: haan! so i dreamed they came up with a report that needed to be analysed and charu had taken mine and Y’s answers in some cosmo style quiz… put them in an excel sheet… and i was meant to data sort… and our answers were sooo different…. and i was thinking ok we need to talk we need to talk. And then i was dreaming of pinging Y and saying i had this dreaaaam

Happy: LOL!!!!! :-D

Crabby: :) lol… weirdness! i edited the dream and told him this morning :D like, i cut him out of it!

Happy: hehe! And man i blocked off all creatures i had unblocked…. i told you eh? am back to being mean!

Crabby: hahaha yeah cos god's not watching cos Z’s not here!

Happy: heheh :) yes! and yes! am officially over him now!

Crabby: yayyyy. lets make sure we fall for NICE guys next time. not good apologizers, but NICE guys to begin with. juuust one problem. we find mean guys itself pansy. nice guys are bloodily doomed.

Happy: LOL! :) but how will we know nice guys when we see them? like we arent used to them largely

Crabby: hahaha if we're not falling for them…. they're probably awesome

Happy: LOL! well said :)

Crabby: :) unfortunately, we cant unfall

Happy: you know wat made me get over Z overnight?

Crabby: what what?

Happy: LOL! Another guy!!!! :) looks like I'm destined to remain fallen for at least one man at a time! he's scorpio btw!

Crabby: oooh scorpio! i wonder why... one sec, i must pee, my pregnant bladders bursting :P

Happy: haan! LOL!

Crabby: what was i thinking? haan! so scorpio women no... ok me :P ... i find capricorn men cute and i love them but they're TOO girly for me. so im wondering if capricorn women find scorpio men effeminate. like after a point, at some level. Not that it keeps us from liking them but still

Happy: hahah! will tell you after a month! or after 2 chat conversations!

Love you baby!

Oh manie!! Here's raising a toast to the 18 months of living together, and the 14 months of totttal love and franship!

I kept telling life a best friend was due
I knew the wait ended when I met you!
From sharing pastas, laptops, skirts and houses,
To Shilparam shopping and wearing sarees with makeshift blouses!
We hit on the same men and later conclude they're such a pain
You made these worthwhile: the kidney-shaped balloons and the bus stops in the rain!
After mocking our roomies, jobs, and ourselves coz we're shameless,
Hyderabad couldn't have been more fun for the homeless!
Skipping on the roads "Angel" we shout,
Like a miracle in Gurgaon, you appeared to bail me out!
With Gaya's terrace cryings and the burned down houses, I would've died of fright
But Main jaanti hoon Tu hai toh I'll be alright!
You make my life beautiful in your own special way
Love you baby!! Happy Valentine's day :-)

Muahhhhh!!

Happy Valentine's baby. Wish I was there or you were here or we were together on some distant planet where creaturances like the ones we know don't exist!!! :)

Attn all Rahul Khannas and Sanjay Singhanias!

Frustrated: Oooh! someone was asking me yday why I wasn’t getting married! I said what to do, I’m very busy no. Brr i want a boyfriend for valentines! To be disposed of the week after!

Discouraged: LOL!! Men these days I tell you! No one's even worth it man!

Frustrated: haan that is toh there! Oh dammit D is online!

Discouraged: MAN!! He’s married eh?

Frustrated: no man not yet. He sent invite, I forgot date

Discouraged: aaahh!! Ping him now and jalao-fy him man!!

Frustrated: lol what about?! :)

Discouraged: For the last time before he gets married, he can be reminded of wat he's missing on!!

Frustrated: Lollerz! And DAMMIT! He has a date for valentines then!

Discouraged: SHIT yeah!! And gifts too!!!!

Frustrated: and V is getting married on 15 so SHE has a date! And A is getting married this week

Discouraged: wat IS with us man!!! There is no date in life!!!

Frustrated: yeah! Dammmmmmmmit! Even the baboon face has a date!!

Discouraged: Oh! So H once told you about a secret admirer no! Ask her who the he is! At least you could consider having a date / present for valentine's.

Frustrated: brr shed never tell me. She’s too much of a friend. I’ll mail on misc. Who’s free to take me out! :P

Discouraged: LOL!! You will run the risk of receiving offers from people like ... wats his name man.. that madu fellow

Frustrated: haha he quit the company!

Discouraged: Arey useless life man! Like suddenly the thought of having valentines day coming up and having no date no.. Its making me feel doomed! Recession I tell you!

Frustrated: yeah man seriously :( not like its ever worried me in Jan before. I think I may be growing old!

Discouraged: lol! Me too man!

Frustrated: The Pilot and S are Sagittarians, cant even string them on till feb! Or they'll claim they're pregnant or something

Discouraged: LOLLERZ!!! True! So I was telling C about your idea of proposing! As in, asking everyone to change statuses, and deliver a gift wrapped heart and all that.

Frustrated: ooh yeah did he agree

Discouraged: and he says he finds it strange!! To make the world say it with you!! BRRR!!

Hopeless, useless and romanceless men!!

Frustrated: what???? Its PDA! Its so cute!

Discouraged: This is not sex please!! The world CAN be involved with you!

Frustrated: what’s the use of proposing to a girl if the world doesn’t know it and go awww!

gawd, we're such exhibitionists :P but seriously!

Discouraged: I like the pompous exhibitionist ways of life man!

Frustrated: yeah man, thats what lifes all about! Quietly in a corner like a mouse if a man proposes id be like wtf

Discouraged: but am thinking when there is a man we like, and we are convinced enough that he likes us too, we should go ahead and propose in our own styles! At least saves us of disappointment!

Frustrated: buuuut we're not men no. So wont they feel all unmanned and embrrasssssed

Discouraged: Is there any manliness left it any of them anyway? They will take you to churches for dates and slice their hands if you don’t answer their call when peeing.

Frustrated: goddam it! I dunno but its really starting to annoy me too. We'll advertise from today eh on our statuses? Lol

Discouraged: We are 22! We have money! And dammit we DO have time for dinner and outing on one day!! Then y isn’t god sending a man our way!

Frustrated: oh damn but my mummys on gtalk! And half my relatives are. Ok I dont care. I’ll say its a line from some movie if necessary :P

Discouraged: Rright now on my Gtalk, apart from you, the A girl and C, there are just the hindi, tamil and malayalam translators that are online. Shennis! But if we advertise on Orkut, we will attract the whore-seeking kinds

Frustrated: On mine there’s M who’s gay, and R who’s cousin, and V who’s insane

Then P’s idle, K just broke up, and the rest are women :P

Discouraged: so in my sisters medical coll, for practical exams, if you don’t already have a patient you tip the assistnat to get a few victims from the nearby slum for treatment! We should tip someone to get us a man! (Not a slumdog though!!)

Frustrated: hehehe like, whoooo?? Ooh! We should totally arrange blind double dates I say

but that also s pointless cos the men we know are hopeless

Discouraged: What only is the way to get a date in less than a month's time!!!

Frustrated: shaadi.com also is useless :D

Discouraged: should we ask our friends to introduce us to their friends fatafat?

Frustrated: lol! One man a day, we'll test them out!

Discouraged: LOL yeah!!! Oh Mom calling for dinner! Will fill stomach and see if we get more ideas that way!

Frustrated: haan quite possible

Discouraged: Am back after dinner! And I asked my brother if he knows any eligible bachelor to date us for a week max. And he says the eligible ones are usually taken fast!

Frustrated: lol! And when he's single, it’s with good reason! If you ask me, all men just ask for trouble. They crush on one person, they want to marry the other, and they want to stay friends with all other females in the world just in case.

Discouraged: totally man!!! +1 for the thought!

Frustrated: All I want is a date for valentines I say! Apparently what I get instead is phone calls about marriages! And P wants to know if he wants to order pizza or sub for dinner. Is he going to give me some? Noooo! So he must ask his frikkin J!

Discouraged: ask him if there is a friend he will introduce us to!

Frustrated: Now I want to know who the secret admirer is, so I can have a good laugh!

Discouraged: you should also ask him for a gift, in my opinion :)

Frustrated: When i find out who he is, if he isn’t a total baboon face, I’ll totally lead him on for a bit. I’ve had it with being decent and nice to everyone

Discouraged: yeah man!! Being decent all the time doesn’t pay! Especially when they are advertising for gifts on every dammed site and paper!!

Frustrated: hehe yeah

Discouraged: lets see how much our life will change in the next couple of weeks!! Oh! R called from Haryana to say that she wants me to get a local florist to deliver flowers to her fiancee in this city for Valentine’s Day.

Frustrated: soooo cute! Dammit why does no one want to deliver flowers to us!! I mean ok, a ring may be better, or a dress from wills. But flowers will do!

Discouraged: Am thinking we must send each other cards signed guess who! (Not because we cant guess who, but coz we can have the cheap thrills of thinking its someone else!!)

Frustrated: lollerz!!!!! I swear! Brr! 9:25! Gotta take the cab. I feel like Cinderella

Discouraged: Except that there are no balls and no worthy men! Let alone a prince!

Frustrated: All I have are shoes and that also barely! Bbye!

Discouraged: Bye man! Good night!

Ek Hour Champi Kiya? ;)

StalkerOne: didnt we all read paulo coelho's seven minutes? or... was it eleven minutes? anyway, indian average's meant to be 6.5 according to DC.

StalkerTwo: shit!!! just jump, pump and leave!!!

StalkerOne: they forgot to mention if it included time taken to strip

StalkerTwo: so its wiser to have them perform more before the actual sex. coz after that they would've wasted too many calories and would need rest. as it is men dnt wear condoms coz they cant hold their erection!!! and they force wives to take pills.

StalkerOne: which wudnt be a problem if it was taking more than 7 minutes... or 11.

StalkerTwo: LOL! considering its an Indian we'll marry no, lets round it off to 7 mins only!

StalkerOne: nooooooooo! i refuse to have sex with a man that takes less time on sex than he does on breakfast! and im sure some indian men are capable of innovation.

StalkerTwo: like it has to go on for an hour atelast no! as in, not the IT!! but the foreplay and all! and do men realise that the opening wont actually open up without getting us aroused?

StalkerOne: xactlyyyyyyyyyy. like, how hard is it to deal with an hour of dirty talk and touching really. as if its a punishment!

StalkerTwo: LOL! one tip on wikihow says " * Laugh about it. This calm and relaxes the situation a bit"

StalkerOne: lol!!! that may just scare the guy given how we laugh!

StalkerTwo: like making out with gabbar singh or mogambo!!!

for everything he does we can say "mogambo khush hua!" and laugh!!

he will also be motivated!!

StalkerOne: and if he takes 7 minutes we can say, like queen victoria, 'we are not amused. or aroused.'

(though or aroused toh she didnt say)

What Matrimonial Ads Really Want to Say!

StalkerOne: I read a statistic somewhere (i don't know how reliable the source was though) that if you dont have a rock on your finger after 3 years theres a 98% chance it will never happen after that.

StalkerTwo: after 3 years eh? thats good logic am thinking. buuuut...

StalkerOne: esssss but who can wait that long

StalkerTwo: if the guy and the girl started going out in class 6, then?he possible cant give ring or propose at taht age!

StalkerOne: then wait for 3 years after 18

StalkerTwo: 3 years after 21 am thinking man.. men these days take it slow.. canalso can use taht time to find nice job and get a house with a maid

StalkerOne: hahahaha... so true. if i were proposing to a guy no... no no no no. if i were a guy no... and i were proposing to a girli'd do it by making everyone we know in common change their status messages on facebook, orkut, cricket, and gtalk and by changing my display picture to me kneeling down wiht a ring in hand!

StalkerTwo: WOWOWOWOWOWWWWW!!!! Awesome man!! but am thinking only girls get such ideas! i was thinking of a cruise and a dance and making a band sing there and me joining the singing, before kneeling down and giving ring!

but... men these days are hopeless!

StalkerOne: awww so sweet. of course, a house.. or atleast a washing machine.. wrapped in red ribbon will also do as far as proposals go. I also think it'll be really sweet if he convinces my parents off.. like i'd love it if a guy dealed with them so i wudnt have to!

StalkerTwo: for convincing parents and all they need the balls!! these days men have it to use only on the bed! useless ones.

StalkerOne: Found on wikihow... 'If and when she says 'yes', put the engagement ring on her finger and get up and kiss her if you want to.'soooo... LOL!!!! i'd be grateful if they had even that

StalkerTwo: they need to be taught everything!!

StalkerOne: im so not marrying a guy who thinks sex is like a frikkin jigsaw puzzle.. im not opposed to marrying a virgin, i just find them a little hard to believe in this time and age. and as long as you've the experience... goddam put it to good use!

StalkerTwo: true man!! like we aren't gonna fight with them in the middle of it!

StalkerOne: yeah or ask 'who taught you this now!'

Of Angels and Demons!

Wicked: What happened to the tattoo plans man?

Cunning: No time only in life! I'll do next time I'm in town I guess.

And btw, I was asking him yesterday if I should tattoo, or pierce eyebrows and a couple more ear holes. And he was like see, mummy may not like piercing eyebrow...Why don't you tattoo or pierce somewhere where only you and I can see :P

I was like funnnnny, I want children even if you don't!  Then I looked up Sindhi marriages on Wikipedia and I understand they're as traditional as our marriages!

So I figured WTH, his mummy will have more to worry about than how many holes there are in my head!

Wicked: LOL! But if you and he can see, then where did the children come in man? I didn't get the logic..

Cunning: As in, the way he said pierce an intimate place no

Wicked: OUCH!!!

Cunning: to my mind immediately only two intimate places sprung :P

Wicked: You can pierce your shoulders and avoid wearing sleeveless at home! Or your thighs! LOL!

Cunning: LOL!! I'm Bheeshma or what!!! And I have arms that constantly change size!! :D If I tattoo my leg, it'll be ugly when I shave. Hand is too flabby/thin depending on my weight

Collar bone will ache and his hand will have to rest on my boobs while he's drawing

Wicked: MANIE! Below your naval!!!! Or some design around it!!!

Cunning: hahahahah! My stomach is right now so big I can balance Pepsi can off it!

Wicked: But man, if there is a tattoo no.. then we will be more responsible about not putting on a tummy!

BUTT!

Cunning: Yes! Actually, even I was thinking lower back. Then I thought WTF, I pay 5 grand and I don't get to see it myself! Then I was thinking above boob

Wicked: But above boob and all is common no. Useless Simran has it there!

Cunning: Yeah! And classless attention grabbing tactic it is!

Wicked: Yeah! So lower back will be fine!Cunning: But like I wanna see it no :P   Lets Google image search!  I'll see what I find sexy!

Wicked: Butt this is one SEXY place for the man to drool about no!

Cunning: Hmm true! X's girlfriends tattoos also quite cool!

Wicked: That squinty female! She has to improve her market value like this only! Cunning: But what my mummy will think if I roll up my shirt for a man, man! As in I'm totally ok with it. I can tell her woman did :D

Wicked: Question in life! What if the man decides to do you only from the back forever after seeing the tattoo?

Cunning: HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA

Wicked: I mean, not like we should tattoo in the front. But still..

Cunning: Oh gawd that's hilarious!! I actually laughed out loud

Wicked: LOL :) And my own theory reminded me of Mellu's story! In the US!

Cunning: Which story was this? I should've fallen asleep in life ;P

Wicked: You told me no, manie, when we were walking near Shilparam one night, that as part of ragging in his college in Boston, some men were asked to tattoo near their penis or something like that!

Cunning: Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh! Shit that was crazy!

And why do people pierce their nipples man? It’s like leading a cow! Ewwww!!!!

Wicked: Man! If they pierce their nipples, then the man can't do anything with it! I'm thinking it's the kind that hate their BFs that do this tactics and all! To avoid him getting to do anything Bwahahah!

Cunning: hahaha! Ewww!! A guy has a tattoo in his armpit!

Wicked: He decides to go around the city doing a "hands up" all the time?

Cunning: Y has a cool one above her butt! Actually I'm thinking that makes sense!

Wicked: yeah man!

Cunning: I'll keep an angel over my back! Then again like u said I should tell the man get aroused from behind, remember to come in front J

Are you also getting one done?

Wicked: Not already man! I'll wait till I find another job!

Cunning: haan point!  You'll come and see but? We'll shop after that

Wicked: Yes yes! I will come there and see :) Will start getting motivated from now on!

 I will get a half naked cupid running around with a bow and arrow, on my lower back! hahahah!

Cunning: hahahah! I want either a horny angel... meaning an angel with horns :D

 or a butterfly :P  Or a little dragon!

 Wicked: horny angel!!!! wow! Awesome idea man!

Cunning: lets hope my relatives think so

Wicked: dont show them :-P

Cunning: hahahah! Or I can get a horny angel to sit on shoulder blade. But i don't like that idea :P half my clothes will cover it and i wont be motivated to work out

Wicked: yeah man! And the point is its horny no! So might as well choose an apt location

Cunning: esssssssssss :D

At my wedding everyone will see the horns sticking out over the sari :P

Wicked: Hahahaha! We will ask the maami who is draping the saree to drape it a little higher, or we can get the tattoo done a little lower!

Cunning: esssssssss :D

Wicked: but this lower back idea am liking

Cunning: yeah me also

Wicked: and considering we have some extra flesh there,  it wont be painful also

Cunning: really?  My backs got no extra ya :P I dont want it too far down or my butt may sag

Wicked: how will the butt sag man? only boobs sag

Cunning: No man, butt also sags off

Wicked: yes eh? aie in old age ya. By then husband would've also retired from this arena

And when your tattoo is getting done, you should peofy daaru. Then i can watch over the work getting done, so he can't harm you. And you can do the same for me! daaru will reduce pain no

Wicked: so the one day of daaru in our life will also have some great meaning! bwahahha!

Cunning: much sense ess :D

(After an entire hour of rating designs from Google Image search results…)

Wicked: And man, if the design is a little horizontal, it will make the butt look too broad. And the hip also

Cunning: haan. So shud make it as thin as possible with curvy lines. Not too much filling cos the color runs out.

Wicked: and unnecessary pain also

Cunning: So it's fun tattoing there, coz the man can see it and come behind you!! But WTF are u meant to WATCH while they do u from behind dude? The frikkin pillow covers?

Wicked: No! Someone else ;-P